Al-Qaeda, The Corporation
Who knew?After all, the uninitiated, the ignorant, the non-believers, that vast audience of Westerners, mouth agape at the very prospect of an organization fully committed to the total destruction of the infidels of the world (kill, kill!); the United States and its suspected satellites (maim, kill!), the House of Saud (them too!); the State of Israel and all of its Jewish citizens (annihilate, and if that doesn't work, kill!) has structure, a world view, a sense of the order of things: they qualify! This is the ultimate corporate mindset, after all. Complete allegiance to the job at hand. Al-Queda = "carrying out Jihad". Well, of course!
Potential recruits must be of sound mind (well, exceptions of expedience), sound body (able to leap tall buildings...oh well, passenger-filled hi-jacked jetliners will do in a pinch), and be fully committed to al-Queda's objectives. Which are? Glad you asked. How about "supporting God's religion, establishment of Islamic rule, and restoration of the Islamic Caliphate, God willing". Yes, well. That requires translation, please. Oh, taking over the world, you say? Gee, I thought all you guys had already established that's what the Jews are all about, no? Oh, I see, I get it, you're planning to beat them at it. God willing, yes.
But, what if he isn't? You know, God. What if he is feeling particularly aggrieved, and fed up and sick and tired and he goddam isn't going to take it any more? Why do I ask? Why, because that's the impression he left me with, when last we spoke. Direct line? No, not exactly, but from time to time, he contacts me, just to touch base. You know, he's interested even in little sparrows and somehow, at some time he took an interest in me.
So I ask, what do you plan to do if he gets really, like I mean really peeved with you al-Qaeda guys? Hey, he's the boss! He watched with some modicum of interest when you began recruiting the mujahed brothers and inspired them to obedience, secrecy, avoidance of other groups; encouraged them to be healthy (and multiply), demonstrate religious integrity and morality, and sealing all of this off by reciting the pledge to al-Qaeda. He was impressed. But he recognized how derivative all this was. After all, he's the original, and you sneaky guys have kind of co-opted his imperatives now, haven't you?
He's told me to tell you that you're close to closing operations. Oh, he knows you're not willing to close shop; he's telling you he's putting you out of commission. He's already begun to whisper in all those recruits' ears that they're underpaid and unappreciated. And he's getting sick and tired of providing all those virgins for all those human wrecking balls. He's seen that you've brought on board a raftload of dim bulbs, but he hasn't signed on to the enterprise and he plans on holding back on the virgins.
Can the Corporation's employment contract and the personnel policies. Those 'emirs' all the fanatics with the command council, the military committee, the personal guards, they're on the way out. Did they attend university for this drek? God wants them to go get a job, a decent occupation. He wants them to look after their families, to re-think their intra- and external human relations. He is not pleased. He asked them, did they think they have a monopoly on him? He has other kids to look after too, and he's tired of all the bullying, and he's not going to take it any more.
This Base construct, this al-Qaeda Corporation has to go. God's about to send them into outer space. Won't be missed.
posted by Pieface @ Sunday, February 26, 2006
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