Sunday, November 05, 2006

A Politician I Could Trust!

Kinky Friedman, are you listening? Where have you been all of my voting life? Or, at the very least, where has your Canadian counterpart been? Does the American public yet realize how fortunate they are in having produced a politician of your impeccable character? One wonders. Even I, a Canadian, knew that Texans like to think big, it's a large state, after all, with a sizeable population. And it may in the future be celebrated within voting circles as having given voice to the greatest politician of our era.

Does Texas deserve such a large governor with a vision that seeks to elevate the state and its population into another sphere of governance to be recognized as a leader by all those other jealous states? We'll see, post-vote, won't we? The world is badly in need of some good news. And Mr. Friedman is a good-news story. We could also use a good healthy dose of humour. And Mr. Friedman is a purveyor, a creator par excellence of humour. The world could use some practical good sense. Mr. Friedman is ready, aye ready and willing to provide it.

He gets my vote. Oh, I forgot, I can't vote in an American election. I'm not a Texan anyway. But I can look on and cheer the man forward, I can certainly do that. And I can wonder whether there are enough enlightened, highly intelligent, utterly devoted-to-common-sense voters out there in the Lone Star State (see Canadians know something about the U.S.!) to appreciate this man's unique qualities.

Let's see, if washed-up grade C actors can achieve high public office, if singer-songwriters can do the same, if over-the-hill wrestlers can govern, then why not a combination of all of the above, moreover one who could pen such unforgettable titles as these: "They Ain't Makin' Jews Like Jesus Anymore, and "Get Your Biscuits in the Oven and Your Buns in the Bed".

Is that not sufficiently succinct, is not that to the point? Isn't he calling it like it is? Is this man a winner, or is he not? If you're opting for naught against the winning card you're a loser and that's a very bad, dreadfully sad thing. It means you'll be voting in exactly what and whom you deserve, and don't you know that whenever a politician turns out to be a stinker as so many do, then no one claims to have voted for them...! Is that what you want, a nobody?

You want a man of good common sense, one who has a practical response to any given situation. And if what you read below doesn't fill the bill and fit the niche, then I say, stay home, give it a pass:
  • On America's cultural divide: "I grieve that NASCAR people never go to the lesbians' tea-houses and the lesbians never go to NASCAR."
  • On abortion: "I'm not pro-life, and I'm not pro-choice, I'm pro-football."
  • On same-sex marriage: "I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us."
  • On politics: "Poly means more than one, and ticks are blood-sucking parasites." On this brilliant observation alone, this stand-alone piece of brilliant deducation, this man has earned your vote!
  • On the legalization of marijuana: "I'm not talking about like Amsterdam. We've got to clear some of the room out of the prisons so we can put the bad guys in there, like the pedophiles and the politicians." Good grief! there he goes again! He's your man!
  • On ethnicity: "I don't eat tamales in the barrio and then go to a black church and eat fried chicken and then go have a bagel with a Jew. I treat all people the same. If you ain't Texan, I ain't got no time for you.
  • Und zo on...: I'm the only one running who has no political experience whatsoever. And politics is the only field in which the more experience you have, the worse you get."
  • More convincing?: "Moses and Jesus are big figures in this church that's in my heart. Both of them are good Jewish boys, and they both got in a little trouble with the government. Jesus would be enjoying this campaign very much."
  • Gravitas: "Just because the other three candidates have had humour bypasses does not mean I have to be a self-important, pompous ass. Besides, some things are too important to be taken seriously."
  • Honesty: "Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest."
  • Reputation: "I just want Texas to be no. 1 in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes."
What? You're not convinced! Hey, you deserve a loser.

posted by Pieface @ Sunday, November 05, 2006

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