Wednesday, March 22, 2006

A Case for Shooting the Messenger

George W. Bush listened to God and determined that Iraq needed rescue, and by gawd, he was the one to do it, where his Daddy failed (to go all the way, rescuing Kuwait only dear, dear). God must have told Dubya that weapons of mass destruction not of his own celestial making were an affront to his dignity and a threat to his flock, something he had already discussed at some length with his near and dear cousin, Allah, but they were unable to reach a compromise.

Allah thought it was nice and decent of God to be concerned, but that he could handle his own flock, thank you very much. The thing of it is, when you get around to family relations between two such giants of nature/nurture, each is certain that he is right, the other wrong. That's where human beings get that similar trait, don't you know? The laws of inheritance. Genetic laws, that is. Not that we can claim that close a genetic connection, since we're but mortal and they, good heavens, we all know they're immortal, all-seeing, all-powerful, but compassionate and thoughtful. Like we'd appreciate being, but aren't.

Well, God didn't tell Dubya what his close kin had said, so Dubya felt pretty safe going ahead with that little enterprise, and assured a skeptical world that he knew what he was doing, and those dratted weapons of mass destruction had to be - well, destroyed. Along with Saddam Hussein, of course, who thumbed his nose at Daddy. Besides which, he was a bloodthirsty beast, that Saddam. Who gave him permission, after all, to spread mayhem, murder at will? (Bear in mind Dubya hasn't a direct connection to Allah, for he is not Muslim, he is most definitely, I have it in great confidence by authorative sources who cannot be named, a Christian of the First Order.

So Dubya invaded, and speedily declared War Over. Guess no one informed the Iraqis, they were too busy mourning their dead to notice. And they keep being distracted by all those funerals, and haven't had the time to realize that they're finally free, free at last! See, it was like this: Dubya delegates, and he delegated a trusted buddy, name of Paul Bremer to go in there and kick ass, oops I mean clean things up. Clear the way for Democracy in Iraq. A signpost in a largely what shall we say? Arab world not noted for its attraction to democratic reform?

So in comes Paul, and this man is, like his boss, one helluva Christian. On speaking terms with God, just so you know. God told him, God said: "Paul, you go in there and do your thing". And he did, what else would you expect him to do? This is a man of honour, determination, and gall. Well, throw a little bit of naivette in there too. You know the mindset that in children we call innocence, and we just love it to pieces?


So Paul went in there, a true Soldier of God, determined not to let his old friend Dubya down, another Great and True Soldier of God. Paul set about his task, he "dismantled" everything. Oh yes, he did, yes he did, because everything needed dismantling. It was all wrong, you see. (Well, all right, maybe some things got a little mangled in the general dismantling, but you can't make an omelette without breaking eggs, now can you? Who said that, anyway?)

  • Political system? Wrong. Dismantle.
  • Military? Wrong. Dismantle.
  • Security infrastructure? Wrong. Dismantle.
  • Defence Ministry? Wrong. Dismantle.
  • National Security Ministries? Wrong. Dismantle.
  • National Security offices? Wrong. Dismantle.
  • Military formations? Wrong. Dismantle.
Guess those Muslims don't know how to do anything right, they lack the Right Stuff. Paul got real busy setting out directives on governance, and regulations on bankruptcy, on traffic conditions, restrictions on child labour and copyright of movies (hey, American culture!) were drawn up. Funny thing happened on the way to normalization. With all those people formerly in defence of their country, in policing, in security, out of jobs, they just didn't care about traffic conditions, child labour and heisting movies. Bankruptcy? don't make me laugh.

For one thing the U.S. forces blasted hell out of civic infrastructure; no electricity, no potable water, but the important thing of course, was to get those wells pumping again, protect the oil, ship it out, that's the key! Liberation, freedom!

Meanwhile, all those disaffected ingrates with nothing to do did their patriotic duty and joined the insurgents. And Allah was experiencing some problems of his own while gently chiding his cousin God. For Allah's flock was dissolving into definite "us and thems" and when they weren't busy trying to blow up U.S. forces safely (they hoped) ensconced in their cozy walled enclaves, they turned to enthusiastically blowing each other to itty-bitty pieces.

Wow, wotamess.



posted by Pieface @ Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Follow @rheytah Tweet