So the Strolling Serpent Said:
What's all this business about Creationism versus Evolution anyway? Oh sure, Intelligent Design seeks to meld the two, right? Yes, I suppose we did evolve even as Charles Darwin posited, but he forgot that it occurred after God created the world and its creatures. Just a lapse, anyone is capable of a lapse.And when God created man he thought it was a pretty nifty creature. But of course he was alone and looked kind of forlorn. Despite the fact that God had also created all manner of other creatures, creepy-crawly ones, four-legged toughies, thick-hided ones, furry ones, lots of creativity went into the variety, you know. And sure, man liked them well enough, even thought he might make pets of some of them.
Man was puzzled, though, because none of them looked like him, you see. God took pity as God is wont to do sometimes, although obviously not very often, since He is never averse to testing man, visiting all manner of unspeakable situations on him as we well know. On the other hand, he bethought himself of completing the work he had begun, told Adam, for such was first man's name (who do you think invented nomenclature, after all; God just let Eve think she could name the animals; he put their names in her mouth) to go have a rest. And he would do the rest.
Darned if he didn't! But the first one didn't turn out to Adam's liking. Well, truth to tell, he liked her well enough, but she had a mind of her own and no mere man was going to tell her what to do. She refused to take Adam's name, his orders or his mewling complaints seriously, and went her own way. A second try produced Eve, and a sore ribcage. Eve was biddable. Usually.
Then along came this serpent, just sauntering down the footpath between the olive trees. Sauntering, I said sauntering. Sometimes the serpent strolled, sometimes he sauntered. It just depended on his mood. No, the snake didn't crawl, didn't hang down from a tree. That was one great big huge egregious error.
Hey, don't believe me? Ask Hussam Zaher of the University of Sao Paulo in Brazil. He and an Argentine colleague found a Patagonian fossil of a primitive, and I emphasize primitive, snake with two legs and a sacrum supporting its pelvis. So there, skeptic!
Anyway, this serpent really liked Eve, a good-looking babe, and told her she was wasting her time with Adam, a real schlepper. Does he ever give you any nice gifts, he asked her? Nope. Here's a nice shiny red apple, Evie, said the serpent, and Eve really appreciated its thoughtfulness because she just hated the thought of seeing a doctor.
Gotcha! said the two-legged serpent. (Yes, it's true, God put him up to it, He was just bored out of His mighty skull at their tameness; he wanted some action.) Adam got peeved, picked up a handy club and whammo! hit the poor serpent so hard its legs fell off and it crept away, abashed. There's evolution for you.
posted by Pieface @ Thursday, April 20, 2006
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