He Said: It Meant...
The hysteric moment has passed into the oblivion of disinterested history.Thus said Lee Bollinger of Columbia University: "Our responsibility today is to listen and ask questions in an atmosphere of civility and restraint." And he proved his point by introducing Mahmoud Ahmadinejad with a beautifully embroidered accolade: "Mr. President, you exhibit all the signs of a petty and cruel dictator", as he faced his honoured guest with the most convincing compliment his fevered mind could muster.
To which the honoured guest responded with his own blend of resplendent verbal furbelows thusly, (defending his sterling knowledge-base as a former scholar of religious jurisprudence) of which he speaks: "I think the text read by the dear gentleman here, more than addressing me, was an insult to information and the knowledge of the audience here, present here."
More than adequately defending the honour of the university setting where a president of said university would defile his position by labelling an invited guest as a "petty and cruel dictator". Reminding Mr. Bollinger that: "In a university environment we must allow people to speak their mind, to allow everyone to talk so that the truth is eventually revealed by all."
On the Holocaust
He said:
If the historical event named Holocaust did indeed occur, it was a European travesty of human rights abuse on a grand scale. But we cannot assume the scale simply because historians and eye-witness accounts have given impetus to scholarship verifying it.
He meant:
It's your problem to solve, you lousy Europeans, why shunt it over to our part of the world and give us short shrift to amend the wrongs you committed?
On Holocaust Deniers
He said:
Legitimate historical researchers exist who feel due diligence to data was not observed in cataloging the events leading to the unfortunate attempt to liquidate European Jewry. They seek to option their scholarly views to re-balance the historical record. Why are they charged with crimes against the sacred memory of millions sacrificed (inadequately) to a megalomaniac's whim?
He meant:
Perspective is everything. The alleged perpetrators of such an affront to humanity, if it ever occurred, are to be commiserated with, having succumbed to public pressure to make amends for their ill-doing. Which, in fact, was not their fault at all, since everyone knows how despicably annoying Jews are, always calling attention to themselves and cunningly seeking ways to enrich themselves at the expense of others. Nazi Germany simply lost patience with these vermin. Who could blame them for enslaving, imprisoning, torturing, and killing a handful of the worst perpetrators...?
On the existence of a Jewish state
He said:
We love everyone, even the Jews, with whom we are especially friendly. Our generosity toward Jews knows no bounds. We simply love the Palestinians a whole lot more and seek justice for them for the simple reason that they are not Zionists and the Jews are.
He meant:
The poor misguided Iranian people generally enjoy good relations and live with respectful amicability among Iranian Jews in the country. Although we take a hard official line, the population would rise up in revolt were we to unleash the full fury of Islamic denial upon Iranian Jews. They are more complacent when we speak of "Zionists", and since most Iranians suffer the indignity of living under our repressive regime, protests are kept to a minimum respecting interference with the Jewish state. Just kidding!
On nuclear research
He said:
Science should know no borders, and it ill behooves any civilized country to retain vital scientific information for its own delectation, refusing to share with uncivilized tyrannical states. Never mind that during the Cold War scientific exchanges regularly took place between Russia and the United States and much of the scientific world elsewhere; they definitely did not share nuclear secrets.
He meant:
The IAEA has its serious doubts about our true agenda, but for the time being they're (almost) satisfied that we wish to attain nuclear sufficiency only for our energy needs, since our oil production and revenue leave us short from time to time.
On the 9/ll terrorist attacks
He said:
Who can tell the mysterious ways of covert operations to wreak havoc one nation upon another, one rogue terrorist group upon its target?
He meant:
What a charge they must've got out of their success in unleashing that world-shattering event! Whoever they are (tee-hee) kudos!
On executions of homosexuals in Iran
He said:
Heaven (and Allah) forfend that Iran should be even mildly infected by such a scourge as homosexuality. Fortunately, as a result of firm adherence to the sacred tenets of Islam, Iranians know such evil practises are forbidden by God and state.
He meant:
It's only in socially degenerate countries such as yours that the possibility of a huge segment of the population would be so emotionally, culturally and gender-sterile as to practise what their genetic endowment prods them to becomes an acknowledged reality. We simply wouldn't tolerate it. Incarcerating, torturing and occasionally "accidentally" killing potential usurpers of public decency serves as a lesson in prudence. Just kidding!
On international relations
He said:
Since our glorious Islamist revolution we have practised what we preach: loving kindness toward all men. Women too. I personally proved my surrender to that guiding principle when, as a student member of the Revolutionary Guard I took immediate and painstaking steps to lovingly and gently assemble all members of the American legation in my country and sacrificed a year of my life to protecting and sheltering them from harm. We removed a dire dictatorship and instituted instead a revolutionary new concept, offering freedom and democracy to our own, and nurturing kindly relations with all other countries. Oops, with two exceptions.
He meant:
All peace-loving democracies are our especial friends, and we particularly adore the great United States of America and her sterling allies, France included. Canada too. We're doing our best in the way of consolidating our international relations to ensure that not only
we (please regard this as confidential) attain nuclear weaponry, but also our great good friends in North Korea, Syria, Sudan and Burma - and ex-officio "countries" like al-Qaeda, Hezbollah, etc., etc. Hey, I'm not kidding, here.
Get the picture?
Aw, give it a rest...!
Labels: Technology, Terrorism, Troublespots
posted by Pieface @ Tuesday, September 25, 2007
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