Friday, June 26, 2009

Wha! What Crisis?!

The Islamic Republic of Iran is a benevolent state, invested in the well-being of its people. Its president, Mahmoud Amhadinejad cannot be claimed to have no interest in the welfare of the disadvantaged in Iranian society, the poor, the religious, the rural dwellers. What other president would embark on a good will tour of the countryside for the purpose of extending good will, good wishes, and a harvest of potatoes?

As for those who protest the outcome, the legal and democratic outcome of the June election, who are they? Consider: in a country that speaks Farsi, the protesters all are English-speaking, technologically savvy, possessing electronic devices enabling them to maintain contact with the outside world. A world outside the world of Islam that seeks to wreak havoc in Iran simply because of Western fear and disdain for the Republic.

Not to mention mean-spirited spite and jealousy. They, the countries of the West, most notably England, the United States, France, (and their Zionist masters) would dearly love to get their dirty hands on Iran's immense and valuable oil and gas reserves. But they cannot; the Islamic Republic stands firm and protective of its assets, its precious geographic endowments, by Allah.

And right about now, Mr. Ahmadinejad is fed up, he is appalled and outraged by the gross interference of Western interests led by the world's evil Zionists, in the legal and theocratically sanctioned outcome of an election he has won fairly, squarely and in good faith. The people of Iran do not flood the streets with protest marches. The puppets of the West do.

These cravenly miserable excuses for human beings who have surrendered their Iranian souls for crass approval by the truculent West will not succeed in driving asunder what God has decreed. The Islamic Republic of Iran knows how to deal with such types as these; it has a well defined and extremely workable solution: the death penalty. The leaders of this revolting defiance will pay the penalty, not as blessed martyrs to the common cause, but as defilers of the faith.

How dare the new American president, Mr. Obama, make critical reference to the election that has unanimously re-elected Mr. Ahmadinejad to once again make Iran proud of his outstanding performance on the world stage? Mr. Obama has erred, criminally, in his assessment; he has unerringly demonstrated that he is the twin of the accursed Bush.

President Ahmadinejad has been kind in merely scolding Mr. Obama, for it is clear he knew not what he did. But it is also abundantly clear that he must now make amends, humble himself before the glorious Republic and its people. An abject apology, nothing less, may be considered before any high-ranking official from Iran would stoop to confer with the American administration.

As for seeking Iran's assistance in stabilizing Afghanistan and Iraq; we thought you'd never ask. It is indeed in our power to do as you request. And, just for the sake of argument, were we to do as is requested, what is the benefit to Iran? Precisely. You may ask for our assistance; indeed, we urge you to do so, as an indication of your own failure. But you must wallow in your failure; Iran will not rescue you.

Know you this: Mr. Ahmadinejad does not suffer fools gladly. Listen carefully, this is no crisis; merely a tempest in Iran's tin pot, which we are more than capable of handling expeditiously. You have heard, no doubt, of the hundreds of dissenters whom we dispatch yearly? We know what to do. Now listen carefully.

We are prepared to say this once, and once only. Redeem your sorry self through a self-abnegating exercise and we will consider restoring your share of our exquisite pistachio nuts. Remain defiant, and we plan to dispatch one of our very best and brightest representatives, a Mr. B. Asiji, to teach you international manners.

We have many B. Asijis among our friends in Hamas and Hezbollah. Have you heard of those sterling organizations whose search for meaning in life resides in Allah's will?

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