Elementary, my Dear Watsoff
Scientific enquiry, there's nothing quite like it, is there, to inform, advise and sometimes to confirm. Keen scientific minds know how to go about observing, enquiring, reaching conclusions based on...what, exactly? Why of course, observation leading to conclusion. Elementary, my dear Watson. Er, Watsoff.Remember when your mother, maybe even your grandmother would nag, nag, nag for you to go to sleep at a decent time when you were a mere tadpole, so you would awaken bright and quick to greet the new day? Otherwise, you might awaken groggy, bad humoured, unequal to the tasks laid before you at (shudder) school. Right? Well, look at this, gramma knew what she was talking about!! Don't believe me? Results of a study funded by the National Institute of Nursing Research and the National Institute of Mental Health, presented at the American Medical Association's fourth annual Science Reporters Conference in Washington came to the conclusion that: "Just staying up late can cause increased academic difficulty and attention problems for otherwise healthy, well-functioning kids" according to the study's lead author, Gahan Fallone of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri.
Hey, these behavioural and social scientists really know what they're talking about. After all, they've placed human nature and behavioural consequences under the fine glare of their microscopic vision, haven't they? Think they might have saved some research funds for other enquiries by consulting their mothers or grandmothers beforehand? You Philistine!
Remember all that really annoying yadda-yadda when your mother kept scolding you so unfairly about eating all that unhealthy junk food and spoiling your appetite for dinner consisting of healthy food? Anyone under the age of 16 knows instinctively that their mothers have nothing better to do than try to spoil things for their kids. After all, the geniuses who put together television advertising and get paid big bucks for it must know what they're doing, not like your nag-nag mom, right? Well, hey, a recent study by the University of Illinois discovered that television ads market junk food to kids. Realllly?! Fast food advertised during popular television shows geared to children, represented by reputable food giants like Burger King, Jell-O, McDonald's and Post's, sometimes even advertise that some of their food contain "some natural ingredients". So what's not to like, huh?
This evidently led one J. Michael McGinnis, chairman of the committee that recommended to the U.S. Congress that legislation be enacted to block ads for high-calorie, low-nutrient foods during kids' TV shows to state: "There is strong evidence that the television advertising of foods and beverages has influence in what children choose to eat". Wow, imagine that.
On the other hand, here's some truly revealing news as a conclusion of a study sponsored by the National Heart, Lung and Blood Institute, published in the June edition of Pediatrics: "Parents could curb unhealthy eating by vetting television viewing". Good grief, parents can actually influence what their children eat! By helping them to learn to make good food choices. Incredible, just amazing. Hey, who's got the time, anyway....
Look here, it's not just little kids who make choices that can be inimical to their health. How about old geezers? They're like kids too in many ways, dontchaknow. A study published in the Journal of American Geriatrics Society found that older people who don't exercise may suffer mobility loss. Data acquired over 7 years and examinations and interviews with more than three thousand elderly found that exercisers had the lowest risk of developing mobility problems, according to The Health, Aging & Body Composition Study. Can you credit that!?
Here's my absolute favourite: A report out of Britain has come to the conclusion that people who are unhappy with their incomes tend to have higher levels of credit and more difficulties making repayments. Stephen McKay, a senior research fellow at the School of Geographical Sciences at University of Bristol found a link between income and credit commitment: "Clearly, being on a low income is among the strongest influences on having problems repaying debts". Well, blow me awayyy!
Did I say that was my favourite? Ditch it. This'll go us one better: A Harvard-led study reached the conclusion that Pennsylvania doctors at high risk of malpractise claims avoided (avoided? what gives with that oath to heal, to serve society?, aw, just kidding) elderly patients, patients with difficult medical problems or those patients who were judged to be potentially litigious. As who would not, eh, eh?
Can you recall back before Women's Liberation, when a rapist would engender sympathy from those sitting in judgement upon his actions by claiming the victim of his unwanted attentions was asking for it, otherwise why would she dress the way she did? Lots of sympathy with that one. Then women began to dress conservatively, mannishly, when they gained boardroom status in corporations for the express purpose of being taken seriously, as contenders in the corporate game. After a while this rigidity of attention to sober corporate female attire relaxed and women began to wear more feminine, even sexy clothing, feeling secure in the knowledge that they had proven their business acumen. Dear, dear, guess wot? Yeah, yeah, no kidding: a report in the latest issue of Psychology of Women Quarterly comes to the conclusion that women in managerial positions should not wear tight skirts, low cut blouses and high heels to work if they want to be taken seriously. What gives? CSI special invesigators do it!
Where the hell would we be today without the hard work and dedication to science brought to bear by all these social scientists? I shudder to think.
posted by Pieface @ Monday, January 09, 2006
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