Friday, May 25, 2007

There are Terrorists - And Then There Are Terrorists

A covert group of activists, known as terrorists in some lexicons that identify illegal and threatening behaviours as terrorist in nature, has issued an ultimatum to the new President of France. This dark group is otherwise known as the Regional Committee for Viticultural Action, and they've gone so far as to spirit away tankers carrying wine from foreign ports. Not so amusing is their additional penchant for indulging in more violent activities, such as the dynamiting of government buildings and supermarkets.

In emulation of their better-known contemporaries whose terrorist activities compel world-wide attention, five balaclava-clad men issued a statement addressing the new president. These wine terrorists promised that if the price they received for their wine did not garner greater recompense for their noble efforts in raising the spirits of their countrymen they would be prepared to take further serious action.

Taking a page out of Islamic literature on personal sacrifice to attain a divine end, they called upon fellow winemakers to unite, calling into reference a 1907 winemakers' uprising in Montpellier when thousands marched in street protests, frightening troops into opening fire, with the result that six protesters were killed. They're a rum lot, these winemakers.

They've a problem, however; fewer people than ever before are drinking wine daily in France. And in the highest-producing wine region in the world, Languedoc-Roussillon, production exceeds demand. And since France is a member of the European Union which plans to destroy 100,000 hectares of grape vines to stabilize the market, they're rather annoyed about this turn of events, demanding that Europe maintain a subsidy for distilling surplus wine into alcohol spirit.

Like terrorists everywhere and for any reason, this group refuses to acknowledge the reality of a diminishing market for their wares. Would that terrorists whose function is to destroy certain segments of humanity for the noble purpose of spreading their virulent strain of religious ideology, might one day soon realize, as this group will have to, that the market for their searing hatred is also drying up.

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